It was a boring day inside my room. Pillows were scattered, couches are not in line, blankets were just dangling like a dry-aged meat. What to expect when an ambiance of room is like this? well a lazy teenager laying on bed while scrolling on Facebook reels. I was completely oblivious on how I was going to initiate that "comeback" to make that day better, because my body craves voraciously for gratification upon using smartphone. Is progress contingent if this kind of life is encaged on a loop? Is there a chance to make oneself free from tenacious pull of extractive attention economy?
In case you might wonder what is "extractive attention economy", well it isn't a term that is connected to economics. But it is a state where one's brain is inebriated with miniscule pleasures while scrolling on phone; something so addictive that your body refuses to get up and do something meaningful. Some might say I procrastinate; well, I do but not totally because I evade from plentiful tasks. There is more behind this behavior, something cliche but bizarre at the same time.
I was immovable and not a single call from my aunt could make me get up. It was like a scenario where a magnet keeps my back on the bed, maybe I am starting to become the "metal man". Kidding aside, it is a challenge to even sit. I was so drowned in an ocean of internet. Voices from my relatives, meow of my cats, molly's exasperating barks, were like nothing; I was indifferent.
Deep inside me, I am delved in a battle that only the people with empathy could fathom. Little did they know that every scroll on social media commensurate with lingering pain in my chest. When my notification rings, I maim myself by thinking it is about her. Oh, how cruel the world could be, you are left in a situation where you need to survive alone.
The longer you cling to a false hope, the pile of tasks are incessantly added. But is it my fault to lose my will to get started? Is it my fault that I couldn't suppress my emotions? For the past few months, I've been tormented emotionally. Focus and dedication ceased to be perspicuous, and it is always a challenge to even get started. I actually can't assimilate how did I survive the first semester.
So, I took a deep breath because everything was so heavy, burdens are not dwindling. It was like a mental disturbance that manifests physically. Emotions are indeed spontaneous, and it could get you stagnant. I always say things that could alleviate what I feel, but at the end of the day. My feet are still entangled with vitriol reality. Negativities are always present, and no one could evade from it, I chose to accept all of these by welcoming it with arms wide open.
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