I have always aimed for the pinnacle, I relentlessly desire the spotlight, and others' validation seemed to be the fuel that drives my motivation. I compete for most of the time, thinking that every battle should be fought, and I should always be proclaimed as the "victor". No matter what it cost me, it felt like I need to be the most revered person among others. I blatantly neglect other people, as long as it's me whose influence grapples and engrossed the vast area, everything is harmonious. Everyone who dares to challenge my peremptorily programmed attitude will be derided. With that, no one has ever procured a chance to commence dissent and let their notions seep. I monopolize power through the exercise of unfairness, and my means are refusing to listen.
Throughout my entire stint in Junior to Senior High School, I always think that I was the best. I never entertain opinions, unless they are inarguably viable. However, in some cases, I do listen, but I incessantly want to let my ideas prevail. It was like an 85% - 15% situation most of the time. Ironically, during those days my passion for reading literature and random articles about politics had already been discernable. Delving into various kinds of political philosophies, I have found out that being an Autocratic political figure is an easy way to make oneself despised. So, I automatically grabbed my phone, ran my grubby and sweaty palm against my clothes, clicked on Twitter (a software I reckoned as a journal because I only had less than 5 followers), and started to type "Autocratic government is an obstruction for balance. The power is centralized, and the citizens are just mere bijou, ironically with frivolous value". As I type these letters, my screen was crumbling, the sound accompanied by the speed of typing was strident enough to pester my cousin who was sitting next to me. She even said, "Hey, can you slow down? Is there an online Bardagulan that you opted to engage in?". I simply retorted "Nah, just journaling". Then she responded, "I never knew journaling could make someone overly provoked, I thought, all this time its purpose is to pacify the writer". She smirked and whispered, "How stubborn!". However, I did not mind her. I betook to post my rants.
Months passed, and I started to collect books about power, influences, and governments. My knowledge of social sciences somehow emerged from mediocrity and my eagerness to gain more information was emphasized. After all these years, I have been fond of reading, devouring as many ideas as I can. There were times that, whenever I recite in class, I always exceed what is being asked. My prior knowledge about the topic is uncanny, it sometimes goes beyond. With that habit, I procured a myriad of acclamations from well-known faculties and professors. They were impressed whenever I present or speak before the class, I had remarkable grades; something that gratifies my rapacious ego. During these high school years, my notoriety increased, gained palpable influence and leverage. These happenings brought me a reputation, I could say I have already clutched the plan I devised for a marathon of time; to be revered. However, the time has come, the moment when I set foot in university; I thought things will be a piece of cake. The reality has slapped me, really hard.
If I were to embroider my experiences, college is like my arch nemesis. Whom I feared and could make my bones quench. The first time I sat in the class and faced the terror professor had given me feelings of queasiness. I solely cannot stand nervousness from then, what has happened? A once confident and active student now acts like something that my mother described as "parang pinitpit na luya".
Minutes passed, my professor introduced himself and he said, "You are all college students, which means all of you have prior notions about this topic, am I right?". My classmates and I replied "Yes!", with a faltering guarantee. I could say that was a lucky day because when he asked a question, I was chosen to provide an answer. "Mr. xxx, I heard you are an excellent student; can you answer this question for your classmates?''. Shivering in fear, my sweat was dropping, and I stuttered so that my professor barely conceived my answer. Because of these, I gave the worst answer in my entire life. I felt derided, my ego was hurt. From that experience, I aspire to be devoured by sand, paving the way for my demise. As I tried to escape my pitiful circumstance, something out of nowhere nudged me. Abruptly, after that moment, I went home and started to do self-reflection.
For all these years, I have thought that I know everything. Well, those ideas that I possess were just from the surface. I am no master of everything, my knowledge is feeble unlike those who are genuinely adept. What keeps me thinking that I am above others is my ego, my inability to open my ears and listen. My professor in Communication preached before the class that, listening is one of the core skills that we need to hone as students. It is different from merely absorbing sounds; it requires effort and attention. A person is required to fully heed before he fathoms what is being insinuated. Listening is an ego killer. As Elena from Transformers: Rise of the Beasts said, "If you keep your eyes and ears open, life will give you everything that you need to know". Listening is not a sign of weakness, perhaps it is a symbol of courage and strength. It is commendable to affirm that you are good, however, in a room full of people, you are not the exception. Everyone has their own unique set of strengths, which means greatness or influence should not be monopolized. There should be an ample arena for every idea to prosper. This is the reason why we have two ears and one mouth. It emphasized that we need to listen first and listen more before we speak. But there is one requisite when we listen, we must meticulously comprehend what they are trying to point out, instead of just listening to provide a reply.
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