It has been three long years since the supposed "hiatus" from hustles and academics brought perils to health, economy, and education—the pandemic. Exactly three years ago, I was sitting beside my friends. We were playing the popular MOBA game at our local internet cafe which was League of Legends. I precisely recall the smell of my surroundings. Typically, every computer shop gamer would agree to this— the environment inside that internet cafe smelled exactly like "victory". And when I say victory, it was a fusion between different elements that formed the legendary "odor". I am trying my best to be cautious while writing this article but to be brutally candid, the fragrance was rancid! Keyboards, headphones, and mousepads were sordid! — it has been used by numerous customers from various places and histories. Their scents, tears, blood, and sweat compounded building up sleazy greases in tight corners beside the mouse. Oh, how thrilling it is for us to engage in clash fights while clicking on that mouse. As fast as we press it, more grease build-ups accrued in our fingers. And that was the reason why even before the pandemic, I never failed to adhere to the notion of "bringing alcohol every time I go to computer shops". If I were to relate this to the game, alcohol was like an adept "counter pick" against the arch nemesis: "horrendous fragrance and bulky greases."
Aside from horrible greases perpetually attached to a single unit. What makes it challenging for us, computer shop gamers, were the clamorous and incessant spewing of vile words from other customers. However, despite all these obstructions that riled and hindered us to play with instantaneous amenities, nothing beats the jubilance we felt when the whole squad was present. It felt surreal and ecstatic to play with them. Albeit we were not professional gamers, when we teamed up and commenced the queue in Summoner's Rift— we emerged like the Axis powers. We dispense dominance and initiate obliteration within a single flash, it was something that I call the "blitzkrieg" strategy. In our team, I usually play assassin— a role where you could maim marksmen with a single shot. I feel satisfied when I made other players pestered because of my abrupt and successful Ganks (one player has to interfere in a supposed one-on-one fight). Defeating numerous enemies during this time was the pinnacle of my gaming era. As I remember this God-tier moment, it makes me eager to rewind time.
A few months after, the pandemic wreaked havoc globally. It altered the way of living, and it forced people to stay indoors for several months. The government referred to this as quarantine. Because according to virologists and other professionals whose dexterity aligns with microorganisms— it is an effective way to suppress the spread of the insidious virus. If this virus swarms an individual, the worst-case repercussion is demise. The news about these phenomena was rampant. Fear and anxieties became omnipresent—they became the arch nemesis of folks. Nuance adversity, I supposed, because it creeps and targets the mind, which is impossible to be averted. Months of isolation commensurate to months of no gaming. It was boring; however, it kindled my desire to read lore (background narratives of characters in League of Legends).
The first story I have ever read was Ekko's. He was a boy from the land of Zaun and was described as the "prodigy". Stubborn but at a young age, I believe it was safe to surmise that his IQ was tantamount to Einstein's. Ekko and the popular physicist have the same fondness— it is about everything but "time". Einstein even claimed that "time is relative"— meaning, it never happens at once; time is not universal.
Ekko invented his device called "z - drive"— he utilizes this to manipulate time. He could expedite the latter or slow it down, he always does this to accumulate windfalls. Such a narrative of Ekko has driven my curiosity about time and space. It even made me ask these queries: what if in reality, someone out there could concoct a time machine? What if someone figures out how to twist time just like Ekko does? and what if a person from an unknown part of the world comes up with a formula or other theoretical notion that could split time? Honestly speaking, you might think that I am delusional or lunatic, but I am a staunch believer in how science transforms impossibilities into contingency.
Take a look at Dr. J. Robert Oppeinheimeir's Plutonium Bomb. At first, some physicists were reticent about his idea of splitting atoms. However, he worked so hard to prove that he could actually shatter what is claimed to be the "smallest particle" of matter. With that, it served to be the hallmark of a civilized, more advanced, but brutal, and gore war landscape.
Yakking about the possibilities of reversing time, if this is attainable— I would be able to go back to the best days of my life (as cliche as it might sound, but who does not want to live again in a moment of completely ethereal feeling?). I would be able to reinvigorate that "high-school boy" whose energy was never fleeting. I would again feel the ineffable satisfaction I experienced when I first tasted the sweet and impeccably dainty jolly spaghetti. Its crispy chicken joy and its aromatic yum burger, whose smell stays on your nose and abruptly tickles your tummy; making you crave more.
Aside from these, I would again be able to feel the sense of pride when I first hit 300k points on Yasuo (one of the most overrated but irritating characters when picked by the right player). I would again be able to feel butterflies in my stomach when I and my crush had an interaction. Also, I will eventually be able to hear words of flattery from my grade 8 "terror" English teacher— her words inspired me to do great at presentations. For the second time, I would partake in my first-ever debate competition — the feeling was nerve-cracking given the fact that my competitors were aggressive in arguments, and they were eloquent. And one thing that I would do if I could wield a time machine is to go back to the days when my beloved grandmother was still alive.
The days when her luminous smile could still be seen, the moments we shared, the loud laughs we had, the warm hugs from her, the late-night snuggle, and the sadness we both endured. These things made me optimistic, asserting that one day, who knows? maybe just one day, there will be a miracle. Sanguinity is what I hold on to.
SUDDEN REALIZATION
If I go back to the past, does it mean the time would freeze? does mean I am going to live right exactly in that moment, being stagnant? Do the memories I wished to live in will never pass? Do the experiences remain like a redux forever? the answer is an immense NO.
Even if I successfully rewind the time, I will still find myself stumbling in the future. I would still face what destiny has reserved for me. Things are going to happen right exactly as they would. I then started to acknowledge how things are supposed to happen, and I do not have the leverage to alter it. Perhaps when I rewind the time, does it mean I am not going to encounter too many losses in the game which made my 300k points on Yasuo inferior and derided? Does it mean I would avoid being rejected by the first girl that made me feel the "cupcakes and rainbows?". Does it also assert that I would never be chastised by the same teacher who encouraged me? Does it avert me from the fact that I got roasted during my first debate? or if I go back to the past, does it change my grandmother's fate?
With this notion that I pondered; I surmise that everything that happened is exactly how it should be. Every action, decision, and coincidence leads us to this very moment. What is the point of rewinding time if it would only give us ephemeral happiness? What is the matter if after that jubilance, we would find ourselves trapped in vanity?
I would rewind the time, only if those moments I wished to live in, would be unbounded. But if it only causes me to undergo the same sufferings I have surmounted, I will rather endure the bitterness of the present. Aspiring to rewind the time would not make things better, it is going to pave the way for someone to be stuck on a loop of dejection, pain, and attachment. Perhaps, we should be grateful that time is linear— it only moves forward. It means, inarguably, good times with friends or families will pass, and so is the burden that you are carrying. Past was either a lesson or a warning, when compounded— it becomes memories. The present, evidently is a gift. That is why we should not take it for granted. As Lao Tzu put it "Stones from rivers let themselves be carried by running water's flow, it never resists its direction".
It only claims that what will happen, will happen. Que sera sera, whatever will be will be. Miguel O'Hara from Spiderman: beyond the Spider-verse referred to it as a "canon event". Life might leave you vulnerable to adversities, making you scathed. Nonetheless, as time passes by— life also would bring complete serenity and time to recuperate.
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